Thank you for reading, as always, look forward to my next post!
-Alvaro Cortes Jr, aka Lance Danger
....I'm not getting off that easy, aren't I.......? OK..........let's start over again......
SPIDER-MAN: ONE MORE DAY- THE EPIC REVIEW
Ahhh, One More Day. Nothing I write will add to what others have by now. It is notorious for being perhaps one of the worst Spidey-stories ever.
All this stems off the foul stench that was Civil War, where Peter Parker does the unthinkable, and reveals his identity to the world in support of the super hero registration act.
I know I've mentioned it before, but my first thought was "how the hell were they going to retcon this after Civil War!?" Sometimes, the cure is worse than the disease. Ladies and gentleman, I give you the abomination simply known as:
Spider-Man: One More Day.
As a result of Peter revealing his identity, dear Aunt May gets shot on a botched assassination attempt on Peter. Wow. Who knew that if he'd reveal his identity, EVERYTHING HE FOUGHT FOR FOR KEEPING HIS LOVED ONES SAFE WOULD RESULT IN A LOVED ONE TAKING A BULLET! But I digress.
We start off with issue 544 of the Amazing Spider-Man (vol 1), where Peter and MJ take May to the hospital, and is on the verge of being sent to the charity ward of the facility, since they used a false name to secure the identity of May, they can't use any form of medical insurance (Obamacare BETTER address this before his term ends, you never know!).
Peter gets mad and says he'll do whatever it takes to get money and it turns out the doctor had an uncle Spider-Man saved once, so he'll stall the higher ups at the hospital in the meantime. At least that's more believable than crane dad in the first Amazing Spider-Man movie.
Here in, to be honest, perhaps the best issue of this story, Parker goes to Dr Strange to see if he can somehow save May. He says he can't (I bet Benedict Cumberbatch could as Sherlock....) and Pete proceeds to see his future help pleading for help throughout the Marvel U and it all ends in the same: no one can help May.
Spider-Man's spirit goes to the past and ends up at the point where May gets shot. In astral form he tries to prevent the bullet from hitting May but of course the bullet passed through him and he has to witness May getting shot again.
Strangely Spider-Man actually got hurt by having a bullet go through him in spirit form and is dying, but Dr Strange saves him in time by taking him back to his Sanctum Sanctorum.
He cries and whines some more before leaving Dr Strange when he follows this random red bird we've seen since the beginning of this issue, running into a small red-headed girl.
I have to admit though, when she randomly started calling Peter selfish and self-involved, I swear I wanted to adopt her! I mean hey, at least ONE character was self-aware in this story. Thank you, JMS!
The little girl runs away and in a bizarre twist, Peter, running after the little girl, runs into two alternate versions of himself if he had never been bitten by the radioactive Spider.
He's led into an alley where he's greeted by a mysterious woman in red. She goes on to explain what I just spoiled, which reminds me:
And then it turns out that the woman in red is actually Mephisto doing his best cross dressing Bugs Bunny impersonation. He takes Peter back to MJ to the motel room where May was shot and makes THE offer:
He'll save May in exchange for their marriage.
Quit frankly...there's not much to say about this issue. J Michael Staczynski allegedly didn't even want a writing credit for this, which wound up being the final issue on his Amazing Spider-Man run, with the credit saying the story was done by JMS and Joe Quesada. He supported the idea of a break up, but hated the way Joe Q wanted it to go down.
May is dying, Peter is whining, and he and MJ think about Mephisto's offer. That's essentially it for the majority of this issue. Death. Whining. Awkward silences. What a wonderful story, don't you think?
Towards the end FINALLY they come to the decision that they will accept Mephisto's deal. But MJ had one condition which she whispers in Mephisto's ear before accepting. And shit gets real.
The red-headed girl turned out to be Peter and MJ's daughter. DUUUHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! And she pops up again to say now she will never be born because the marriage never existed.
Oh, how wonderful. Death. Whining. Awkward silences. Spiritual children wiping. WHAT A WONDERFUL STORYYYYYYY.....DON'T YOU THINK!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
And just as Peter and MJ say their final good byes in this continuity, IT happened. The exact moment I stopped being a comic book fan and stopped buying mainstream comics for about five years. The final words MJ tells Peter is "face it, tiger, you just hit the jackpot"........that, was a slap to the face. That was a slap to the face while having the middle finger being waved at you while Joe Quesada is obnoxiously squealing "NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NAAAAAAAA!".
Death. Whining. Awkward silences. Spiritual children wiping. And Joe Quesada slapping you in the face while waving the middle finger and obnoxiously squealing "NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NAAAAAAA!"......WHAT A FANFUCKINGTASTIC WONDERFUL STORRRYYYYY.........................DON'T YOU THINK!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
And it didn't even end there. In one of the biggest WTF momentes EVER, after Peter is back living with a healthy aunt May (seriously, Pete needs therapy for this unhealthy attachment to aunt May. Let us forget that time before Superior Spider-Man started when Pete's mind was in Doc Oc's body, and he saw his memories and saw and LIVED the wedding night between...EEWWWW, EWWWW, EEEWWWW), he goes to a welcome home party.....FOR HARRY OSBORN. Somehow, Peter and MJ not ever getting married, BROUGHT BACK HARRY OSBORN FROM THE DEAD.
WOW. I don't even know where to begin! The story was stupid from the start, I always had the theory that Marvel wanted to do the whole reveal during Civil War just as a shock value moment to boost sales and get media attention like the media whores they've become. All the while without even knowing HOW to give Peter his identity back.
If you can, for a moment, imagine if it was like this: you're in the bathroom (Marvel). You take a dump (Civil War), but you realize there's no toilet paper (plot). Then you have the great idea of wiping your ass with your sock (the reveal/One More Day). Yes, you solved the immediate problem, but now you have one less sock. And that is what One More Day is to me: shit on a sock.
It had all the potential in the world! JMS! Joe Quesada! What could POSSIBLY go wrong with such a powerhouse team!?
The story has it's moments. The second part was actually a pretty solid story with the mystical aspect of Dr Strange and the desperation in Peter when he relieved the moment May got shot and again was not able to do anything.
The art is by Joe Quesada, who is one of my all-time favorite artists and even though this was not his best work, it was good. It was just weird that his pencils were rather sketchy, and combining that with the mostly computer generated backgrounds made his linework seem even sketchier. I liked the coloring touch that the majority of the story looked dark and gloom, and when Peter wakes up to his new reality the colors were bright and lively.
But the way Marvel handled this was atrocious. They had been wanting to separate Pete and MJ for years now at this point, but didn't pull the trigger on a divorce for not making Peter seem like an older character than he was. So they went the cheap way out and did this ex machina where they used Mephisto to wipe out the marriage. That...makes no sense what so ever.
I personally would've loved to have seen May die (again), and see how Peter and MJ coped with the decision of doing what was right, which was finally let aunt May go. It would've shown REAL repercussions to the events of Civil War. And it would once more show Peter that (everybody with me) with great power comes great responsibility. But no, again, this is a clear example of a company doing what they want for themselves and not for their fans.
On the dangerscale of 1-5, I give Spider-Man: One More Day, a NEGATIVE FIVE. And may God have mercy on Joe Quesada's soul. Thank you all for reading, hope you all enjoyed the summer, and let it be Halloween already!
-Alvaro Cortes Jr, aka Lance Danger
PS- This comic SUCKS.